Your Favorite Comic Book Hero in a Zombie Apocalypse

#1.  WOLVERINE

When me drinky Sake... Wolverine no pop claws... (don't read into that)

Strengths: 3 claws on each hand sharper than Robert Downey Jr.'s wit, coupled with a pretty awesome stamina increasing healing factor.  

Weaknesses:  A tendency to leap into large groups of bad guys with a lack of self preservation. (See Exhibit B Below) Normally this kind of thing is awesome.  But when you're talking about a small bite from me being the difference between joining the undead or staying alive, the odds don't look so good buddy.

 Smart @$$: "But Alpha Zombie, can't Wolverine's healing factor stop the zombie plague from entering his system?" 

 AZ: No, little side dish, .... I'm afraid it can't.    

The Rundown:  He's tough, he's fearless, he's 300 lbs of muscle and unbreakable adamantium which houses one of the most difficult brains to eat on the planet.  This one's tough because when it comes to survival instincts and melee weapons, there's really no one better.  Buuuuuuuuuuuuut, and this is a big but, I'm afraid (or rather happy to say) that his fighting tactics will undoubtedly lead him to eventual tragedy.  Whether it's in the form of a few bites from yours truly, or he gets sprayed with zombie puss which happens to land on a popped zit he'll eventually turn into this:  

It's not what you think, he's on the Atkins diet.....

#2. SPIDER-MAN

Stuuuupid flying meal!!!      *Shaking Rotten Fist*

Strengths: High flying, webs swinging, no sneaky upping super hero.  Harder to catch than a telepathic spider monkey and stronger than that guy at your gym who yells while he bench presses.  Alpha Zombie no like wall crawling bug.  

Weaknesses:  He doesn't use guns which means... oh wait...

While slightly less accurate when held like a bazooka, it's still quite deadly

Weaknesses Cont'd:  Mary Jane and Aunt May.   

The Rundown: When you give him a machine gun he's pretty much in the Chuck Norris category.  I mean he's not Amazing in the offensive category, but he more than makes up for it in the quick getaways.  Consensus: One brain just isn't worth all that much effort.      

#3. The Punisher

Strengths:  Guns, explosives, and a complete disinterest in saving nearby civilians.  Offensively we're talking assault rifles, machine guns, bazookas, and that revolver with a red dot laser sight he's always using.  Defensively we've got claymores, spring guns, tiger pits, snake pits, uh.... you know... maybe those pits with sharpened bamboo sticks with poo on them.  Punji sticks!.... yes definitely those too.  

Weaknesses:  Guns and explosives work great but they are loud.  Like... REALLY loud.  Anytime a dummy uses a gun (we'll use a 9mm as an example) we're talking every single shambling undead walker within a radius of 4.68 miles away is going to hear (my zombie math is super accurate).  Explosives... forget about it.  Every zombie in the entire city is coming after you.  

The Rundown:  Long term survival based on his extensive weaponry and his solo fighting tactics.  BUT eventually he's going to use a gun in the wrong situation and get his stash houses flooded.  Eventually he's going to run out of ammo.  Eventually he's going to get overwhelmed. You all are.   

My Punisher Voodoo Doll, (made in China so you know it's legit)